Not that I always do, but know how to eat right. I’ve been interested in nutrition since I was a teenager, but I owe most of my knowledge on this subject to one source. A long time ago I bought this little book at the grocery check out line in Walmart.
Speaking of Walmart… I’ve found that you either love it or hate it. I’m one of those that hate it.
It’s fine if you want to spend an afternoon there, but I don’t. I want to get into the grocery store and get out. It aggravates me to no end that the produce and eggs and bread are on one side of the store but you have to walk across Texas to get to the dog food.
I don’t want to buy electronics at the grocery store. I don’t want to buy clothes there either.
My husband–on the other hand–loves Walmart. He’s mesmerized by a good deal. Consequently, we go there maybe twice a year. He’s the kind of shopper that likes to go down every isle…
Anyway, that’s why I remember buying this little pocket book so vividly. It’s something I really like, from a source that I really hate. The book is called The First Food Evaluator and it’s written by Peter H. Dukan M.D. He’s French.
Well, The First Food Evaluator is in demand. But try buying one. You can’t. There’s one copy available on Amazon and you can have it for a 150.00. Seriously. What happened to the other copies?
I don’t know. But one of them belongs to me.
So what’s the big deal?
The First Food Evaluator evaluates food healthy or unhealthy–on a spectrum from medicinal to poison– by how it heals, neutralizes or aides and abets disease. It’s fascinating. And when I’m using it, along with other healthy eating mainstays like the Dash Diet, I feel so much better. I really do.
The problem is…I get bored. Or I get bummed. Or I get in a celebratory mood and a salmon pinwheel with southwest corn relish just doesn’t get it. Sometimes I want to eat junk food.
Same thing with movies. Most of the time I’m a very irritating movie snob immersed in Truffant, Godard and Felleni but sometimes I have to break free and indulge in something that teeters on the edge of camp and bad. It’s an itch that feels so good when I scratch it.
Hence the movie Crawl.
Crawl is an old fashioned creature feature, but make no mistake–it’s a horror film in the same way Jaws is a horror film. People get eaten in Crawl. They get torn apart. It’s graphic. It’s gory.
And like in Jurassic Park there are–I don’t know exactly how many, at least two–multiple monsters. In this case the monsters are giant alligators who are terrorizing an estranged father and daughter in the enormous crawl space of their four bedroom two bath bungalow style home during a category 5 hurricane.
Yeah, the architecture of the bungalow is sketchy, the crawl space is somehow larger than the entire house. There are a lot of these inconsistencies in Crawl, stuff that just doesn’t pass the smell test and if that bothers you don’t go there.
Really. Please don’t go there and ruin it for whoever is sitting on the couch next to you. Remember, you are watching a movie about gigantic, prehistoric-like alligators that are swimming in a goldfish bowl crawlspace because they want to. They can enter and exit the crawlspace anytime they want. So, it’s not supposed to be realistic. Pointing out all the “mistakes” and “disharmony” is besides the point.
Now I know I mentioned Jaws and Jurassic Park, but don’t think I’m equating them with Crawl. I’m not.
Jaws is a classic. It’s nearly a perfect movie, so perfect that there were people who had heart attacks in the theater watching it. Same thing happened with the Exorcist and Psycho.
Trust me, nobody’s going to have a heart attack watching Crawl.
And Jurassic Park was a feat in spectacle. The special effects were mesmerizing.
Crawl is not going to be nominated for best special effects at this year’s Oscars. It’s not happening. But that’s not to say that Crawl’s special effects aren’t good. They’re awesome, considering the 13.5 million dollar budget. That’s where seventy five cents of every dollar goes in this movie–and it shows.
Accordingly, the dialogue sucks. In fact it’s so bad that it almost sinks the whole movie, but the enormous, bone snapping alligators snatch it from the jaws of defeat and then rip it to shreds–in a good way.
That doesn’t happen everyday.
I also hate Wal*Mart. They should have combined Crawl and Wal-Mart…an alligator infested, terrible customer service nightmare.
I’m a movie snob too, but I’d rather be that than mindless consuming movies without a thought to it’s quality.
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Agreed. That’s funny about Walmart.
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Oh yeah. My previous post is right up your alley. If you get the chance, I’m interested in your thoughts about it.
Anyway, thanks for reading.
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Yay!!!!!!!!!!! You’re back AND doing a creature feature review? Even more awesomeness.
I am hoping to get my copy of “Crawl” is about a month or so and take a peek. I have gotten mixed reviews…but I’m curious enough to check it out!!
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I liked it. I watched a lot of it between my fingers, with a hand over my eyes. That’s always a good sign. That said, I’m probably more forgiving of B/Horror movies than you are since I watch so few and you watch so many. Ha! Just kidding. Thanks for reading.
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I think I’m pretty openminded when it comes to the B movies/indie horror….but yeah,I do get on the soapbox when a performer is tossed under the creative bus. If you have a good story,just about everything else can be forgiven…hand over eyes is a solid sign that a movie is spooky!!
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We don’t have Wal-Mart here, but I do go to Tesco (a huge supermarket) every Monday. I don’t walk down every aisle, just buy from my list.
I had never heard about ‘Crawl’ until I read this. I might never see it, unless it is on TV, and I remember your review. But I did watch the Korean film ‘The Host’ (2006) about a sea monster, and loved it. I still love the original version of ‘king Kong’, too.
Where film fans are concerned, there is a place for everything, even if that place is a too-large flooded crawlspace under a house. 🙂
Best wishes, Pete.
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Ha! That’s true. Thanks for reading, Pete. And yes, I’ve heard The Host is very good.
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Great review Pam 🙂 I hope to get at least one horror film review done before Halloween. I am currently working on my Dawn of the Dead review 🙂 Anyway, keep up the great work as always 🙂
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Thanks John. I’d be interested to hear your thoughts on Crawl if you get around to seeing it. Looking forward to the Dawn of the Dead post.
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Funny post today! Not sure if you meant to, but your voice is entertaining. The first anecdotal, then apologetic — we all indulge in junk food films. I doubt I’m going to watch Crawl any time soon, but I did enjoy your post about the movie.
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Thanks Cindy. Yeah, it’s kind of a tongue in cheek review, but all of its true. That’s how I feel about Crawl, anecdotally and apologetically. I liked it. Ha!
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Still laughing….hahaha! Great post Pamela
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Thanks. I’m happy you liked it.
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I found Crawl ridiculously entertaining…a guilty pleasure with nothing to feel guilty about.
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Ha! Hear. Hear.
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I equate Walmart with locusts…they invade a small town and then after all the local businesses are out of business…they leave the town… but with a parting gift…a big old ugly building that gets rented over and over but never works…Sorry…I really don’t like Wal-Mart.
I’ve seen the trailer of Crawl. Yes, I want to see it. I love monster movies…it’s a guilty pleasure.
Funny you mention this movie…today our lights went out and I watched Alligator (1980) on my laptop…very good!
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Well, you hit the nail on the head with your thoughts on Walmart. What you described is their MO.
So you say Alligator is pretty good? I never would have thunk it, but I was surprised I liked Crawl. Movies like that earn a special place in your heart.
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The reason I watched it is crazy. I watched Lolita 1962 two days ago and Sue Lyon did such a great acting job… that I looked at her credits and this was the last movie she was in.
I want to see some more of her movies… but better ones lol.
But yes it’s good for the time it was made. Not great by any means…
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Pam, I really enjoyed this humorous post, much more than I would enjoy Crawl, I’m sure!
Grace and peace to you…
dw
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Thank you, DW. And I’m sure you are right. You’re much to classy for Crawl.
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No, too scared 😱
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Glad to see you back!!!. I am another Wal-Mart hater and proud of it. 🙂 They have killed more small businesses than anyone. My wife and I always try to support the small local folks more than big bad corporations. Anyway, I have been seeing Crawl advertised ON DEMAND and have been wondering if I should give it a try. It sounds like fun, as long as you put any critical tools to bed for 90 minutes.
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That’s exactly right, John. Well put. This movie is like a great–and I do mean GREAT–haunted house. It’s a lot of fun.
Thanks for stopping by.
–Pam
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That was really fun. Thanks! I, like some above, will probably never see it unless it shows up on TV and I remember your review. Even though I do love a cheesy B movie now and then–nothing against them.
And I’m a fan of Walmart’s size and stuff–I love wandering around in there. Not happy about their business practices, tho.
Ciao!
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Nice to hear from you. Glad you enjoyed the review. Hope all is well.
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“My husband–on the other hand–loves Walmart. He’s mesmerized by a good deal.”
I know where he’s coming from. I’d happily walk across Texas for a good deal. But only if there’s no one in the shop. Why are they always in the way!
I like the analogy of the giant space of Walmart to the comforts of a crawl space. I’m imagining the shopping center filled with all the annoying zombiefied trolley pushing shoppers with not a care in the world for the people around them. Wishing, daydreaming, hoping? To “defeat and then rip them to shreds–in a good way”. As you clear the aisles with your “gigantic, prehistoric-like alligators”. Or maybe that’s just my thoughts!! Actually I may of gotten the wrong end of the stick. Ok I haven’t seen Crawl before. I like rubbish “good” stuff.
PS sorry for late replies on everything Pam.
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Do not apologize, Mikey. We all have lives to lead and our own blogs to tend to.
I think you’d like Crawl. It’s fun.
Thanks for reading.
Pam
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