All right ladies and gentlemen. Today we are boarding the way back machine. We will be traveling back to the year 1964.

Consequently, I am not your captain. I am your stewardess. Ha!

Our captain is most assuredly male because we don’t want to cause a social crisis when we land. Heh!…The fact that his control panel consists of only a dial–much like an “oven” dial–is irrelevant. Ouch!

The purpose of our journey is to observe the mores concerning the day to day life of the typical American woman circa 1964.

…Excuse me?…Why 1964?

Because that’s the year the film, The Naked Kiss came out. And this will all tie into to to my next post about the film. Rest assured. So “wait for it.”

Now then, if everybody will have a seat and buckle up we’ll be there in the time it takes the captain to turn the oven to 350Β°…I mean the dial back to 1964. Ha ha!…

Okay, ladies and gentlemen. We’ve landed. What?…Yeah, it’s fast. It’s 2020. Or Not!

The captain has asked that everyone stay together so nobody gets left behind. Okay. Everybody out…Ladies first. Ha!

American women! This is your life circa 1964!Circa 1964You are married. That is, unless you want to be a social outcast. A whopping 80% of the citizenry think single people are immoral, neurotic and sick. This especially applies to women.

You’ve married young-probably by the age of 20, giving birth to the first of your 2.5 children by age 25. If you desire less than 2.5 children you can now take the pill, but it’s only prescribed to married women. Keep in mind that in Connecticut and Massachusetts there are laws–rarely enforced, but still on the books–prohibiting even married women from using contraceptives.

Your only diploma is from high school. Only about 7% of women have a bachelor degree or higher. The few women who obtain a college degree do so to make themselves more attractive to socially upward men. I’m working on my MRS, is a common saying among the few ladies on college campuses. Should you desire an Ivy League education, you’re out of luck. With the exception of Cornell and the University of Pennsylvania, Ivy League schools do not admit women.

You can’t get a credit card without your husband’s signature. There are exceptions. Liz Taylor, for example, has her own credit cards.

Uh. What?…Yeah…Okay…Uh huh…Yeah…I GOT IT!…

Ladies and gentlemen may I have your attention please…Ladies and gentlemen there has been a sudden change of plans. The captain has ordered everybody back on board…Excuse me…EXCUSE ME! Everybody listen up! We have a situation here. SO PAY ATTENTION! If you don’t want to be left behind circa 1964 you better get your ass back on board! NOW!!

Panic

So, whew!…Ladies and gentlemen I’m sorry about that…I really am. I want to apologize for loosing my temper but I had to get everybody back on board because we had a little emergency on our hands. We had to interrupt our trip and comeback to 2020 a bit early because several of our ladies started having panic attacks. Myself included…

Even though I don’t have a college degree…was married at the age of 20…had the first of my two children at 25…and never took birth control pills…

Personally, that thing about the credit cards really threw me for a loop, but it’s all terrible.Β 

Thank God we’re here!